Tick Tock

I only have a couple months left in school, and then all of a sudden I won't have a bubble to protect me from the real world. The invincibility of my work here is going to be gone soon, and that idea affects every decision I made nowadays. Two years ago, I wanted to do and learn anything and everything. Nowadays I think long and hard whenever presented with a potential project: is it worth it?

The concept of worth is something I'm so confused about now. A year ago my time was worth nothing-- now I get furious about classes that waste three of my hours per week. My tolerance for being forced into doing anything that will not directly augment the skills I want is as low as it can be. Every requirement shoved on me by the school seems an obstacle, not a helping hand toward my final destination.

And of course I start to think: If I know so damned well what I shouldn't be doing, why is it so hard for me to come up with ideas of what I should be doing? Shouldn't I be using my final year to come up with some great animated film or epic 3D game? Don't I want to bring home some sort of magnum opus to show my parents what I plan to do with my life in a language they understand?

Or should I be doing short exercises, studies that I can complete and learn from in short amounts of time? Should I be experimenting and learning from my mistakes? Should I be producing large volumes of small pieces with great variety, adding to my experience and versatility?

Why do I even ask myself these questions when I'm too tired after school and work to even attempt any such projects?

I've been at the company for about a month and a half now. I've been mostly animating 3D game characters, in addition to creating my own rigs, and being free to code whatever I want whenever I want (as long as a core gameplay animation isn't broken). This is... exactly what I've been dreaming of for the past couple years. Isn't it? If I'm living the dream, then why does it feel like work anyway?

Is it relativity? When I had no idea what it'd be like to work in games, the job was on some fantastical pedestal in the clouds. Does living in the clouds make one long for the stars? I wish I knew what was up there-- I could really use something to look forward to nowadays.