A/S/L?

Just be yourself.

Conventional Wisdom

Everyone who says this says it like it's the easiest thing in the world, but everyone that gets this advice knows it's the hardest. Why? Because no one really knows who they are-- just like no one can understand the smell of his own skin.

When little Timmy's dad tells him to "just be himself" on his first date, he's telling Timmy how to act. Is a person defined, then, by his actions? If Timmy decided to act like his older brother Tommy, changing from nerdy and awkward to cool and confident, does his new persona make him a new person? Could he willingly transform into someone new?

Well, it worked for me. But my easier smile and my better posture only changed how other people saw me. External actions only change the view from the outside in-- what's really important to someone is the internal decisions that makes those actions.

What is a man? A miserable little pile of secrets!

Dracula

So then a person is the culmination of the decisions he has made until that point. People decide who they are. And since life isn't easy, they will need to make more decisions every day, modifying who they are in the process. They are not a product of their environment, but of their own design. Some will use this to their advantage to be proud of who they become.

To exist is to change; to change is to mature; to mature is to create oneself endlessly.

Henri Bergson

What makes a good person or a bad person? The same things that make good decisions and bad decisions: education and motivation. Smart people try to make informed decisions, and well-meaning people try to do the right thing. Sure, they sometimes fail-- but again, people are defined by their decisions, not their actions.

Lots of people don't like themselves. Their friends always try to get them to like themselves the way they are-- but that's treating the symptom, not the disease. People need to love themselves before being able to effectively love others, and before they can love themselves, they need to become someone worth loving.